So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
