ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
