it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
