I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
