Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
