i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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