dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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