Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
