I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
