I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
