wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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