i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
