She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
