I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
