I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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