I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
