Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
