Rock
Scissors
Fuck
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
