I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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