he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I supernannyed him into submission
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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