my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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