dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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