You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
