I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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