watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
