I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize