Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
