I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
