Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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