Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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