whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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