Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

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(949): View more from California

this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head

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(613): View more from Ontario

There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.

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(214): View more from Texas

things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's

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(512): View more from Texas

It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best

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