you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
