i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
