I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
