3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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