Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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