I think my fart just growled at me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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