I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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