honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
