he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
