She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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