His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
