Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
