i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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