you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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