Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
