i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
