New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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