I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
