She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
