dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
everyone is single if you try hard enough
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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