We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize