Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
