someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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