just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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