told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize