1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
