Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
