dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
