Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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