I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize