Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You ruined the universe
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
