I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
