let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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