:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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