I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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