things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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