ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
