he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
