I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
