So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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