There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
