I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize