I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didn't shave. On purpose
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
