Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
