I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dick very happy bro
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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