how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
