She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
