You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
