I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
