you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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