No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
