Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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