omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dignity is for republicans.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
