Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just want nice things and good sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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