just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
