I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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