She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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