Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
