Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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