Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
