he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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