JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
