I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
