he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
