Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
