He told me they were just razor bumps!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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