i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize