ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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