There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
