This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
