I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
