i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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